I'm still

Dear friend,

It's like the sun itself is not sure if she is warm anymore. The snow is melting but the grass is still dead. The ground is dead even if you say you saw the first flowers just recently. They say and they love but somehow it doesn't matter, because sun is up there after all. And she feels lonely. Or she doesn't feel at all. Numb. I heard that song. I didn't understand it at first, now i wish i never had.

*me

The perks of being young

Dear friend, (yeah I got it from Charlie)

I'm feeling a bit more like myself after getting to know Charlie. So thank you.

One of my closest friends turns 18 this week so I was looking at our old photos wondering about the present I should give her and there are many memories I love to remember and many of those make me smile, but there is just this one where I know I felt infinitive. At that moment I was too blind to see, but Charlie made me realize how important it is too see the place where you are, to actually see that place. So at those pictures we all are together. The people I treasure so much. It's one of those rare moments I felt like I truly belong there. That I make a difference and that maybe, maybe this place would miss me if I’m not there. I wish I knew how important it was back than. Running up the hill, making memories, feeling right. That’s the silver line.

*me

The oven

Dear friend,

I can feel time on my fingertips and the clock makes me whole. I think it's past dinner time.

* me

The guard of the rain

Dear friend,

you should see me with an umbrella, I mean, I actually look like a clown dancing on a rope, except there is nothing but the same old ground underneath me. And I swing from one side another, bump in a few trees fall in the bushes and in the end I’m all wet. Makes me wonder why I even try. But I have to admit I’m exaggerating a bit there. I just wanted to make you smile. 

Have a nice day.

*me

The blinds

Dear, reader,

I wonder if real trust even exists. If there is something I know for sure, than that's the fact that `me` now is not capable of that kind of thing. Did I surprise you? Do you think it's weird? Or do you like me doubt every light you meet in this world? Actually it's not at all about the doubt, even not about fear of suffering, it's just .. I really don't know how to trust a person. It's like the button which allows me to trust is turned off. And it's not like I don't believe in people around me, no not at all, just trust and believing is a bit different, don't you think? Or maybe I’m not making any sense now. Sorry.

I think trust is more about feeling safe and that’s what I can’t seem to grasp.

`Katrai lietai savs laiks.` Heh.

*me

The cage

Dear, reader,

I know it may sound a bit dumb or you may say that I’m complaining too much, but, hey, maybe it might be the total opposite.

So what is it this time? oH. You see, I’m a bit tired of being the good girl. And, it's not like I am trying so much for someone other than me, `cause after all it's my future on the line, but I wish I had a bit more freedom. I think it's pretty fu**ed up that my parents don't trust me enough, or maybe they are just too scared to loose me, but that's not very nice of them. They are just using the fact that I love them too much. My grades are good, my behavior too, but I want a bit of a air to breathe. If there is anything I hate that that’s hurting them, so ..

They make me long for the time when I’ll be able to leave the house and the thought of it makes me hate myself `cause really? it's not like I’m a bird in a cage.

Putting that aside, have you heard the story about the bird in a cage? One of the most heart breaking stories out there. For us, who take such a thing as freedom for granted, the story will never be completely solved. That maybe is the beauty of it, the thought of something more. More then our mind is able to see. Just some tiny feeling our heart has recognized.

Still. Thanks for being here. I’m not gone complain anymore. Today. Heh.

* me

A tip

Dear, listener,

yesterday he told me I'm pleasant to be with, that I always find a way to warm him up. And it amazes me how new it still is for me to be complimented like that. At that moment I really did feel all sunny inside and it just made my wish to share the happiness with him even stronger.

So please, please, please don't forget to tell your loved ones how loved they actually are. That they are pretty, and intelligent and modern and that they are the best cooks even if they can cook that one and only dish, which basically is really simple. A friend is a motivation. A friend is a shoulder. It's time for us to notice that we ourselves make the environment we live in. We are the only ones to blame and to be thanked, Life is just that amazing.

And from my experience just this one little tip I wish to share. You see, don't add the foolish `today`. There is no need for it. You look beautiful. You truly do.

*me