Breaking the illusions

I knew there was high possibility that I'd cried today.
Of course I thought it would be tears of joy sliding down my cheeks.
But instead, I felt my heart breaking. Slowly. Painfully.
This is the most selfish thing you have ever done to me. 
Gripping the wheel and wishing my tears away, getting to the point of not seeing the road ahead.

I feel like a fool.
All this excitement, all this anxiety. For what?

For you falling on me and tripping on your own feet trying to give me the first kiss in 4 months?
You didn't even tell me I look beautiful.
For you falling asleep in the car and falling on top of me?
You didn't even tell me how much you missed me.
For puking at the road side?
What a nice birthday gift you are. 

Not that it is the end of the world. I know we will probably make it through this.
But, God, I am hurting.

so so so

It's so hard to start again. Maybe I'm simply lost, and you can't find me and it somehow gives me the `it's all been done before` feeling.
But i`ll tell you one thing for sure - i'm tired of my life being a mess, I'm gonna sort it out in this summer. At least i will try.
Men are hard to understand you know. Gives me headaches. Why was it worth it again? oh. yes. Remembered.

I'm kinda happy now. Thank you. ^^

Oh, my.

I haven't seen you in ages. Where have you been?
How is it possible that only seeing your face brings me so many memories...
I'm good, but, wow, you look great!
I never in my wildest dreams thought that i will ever see you again. Our `end` was cut with the sharpest knife, because any other options where just too painful. 
Yeah maybe your right.
Don't say that i haven't changed, because I've tried so hard to leave that little, childish girl behind. 
Oh, ... wait what? No, No. nononono.  

Hopes still don't get you anywhere

I am angry, sad and disappointed. And I wish you' d be here to help me. I wish you cared. And as hard as i' m trying, I know that I still haven't been able to show you that caring and love is two different things. I know you love me, baby, of course i do. But do I know that you care? No, not the slightest, because somewhere along the line you stopped caring if i'm happy or sad. You stopped linking yourself with my happiness and started looking at me as if I was just another person in your life, and you don' t link yourself with my problems, even more, you wish I stopped dragging you into them.And I know what you are thinking right now - she is overreacting again. 
So what if I am?

rolling in the deep

You leave and I'm hanging on empty. It's like none of this matter to you anymore.
Everything as cheap as possible, as fast as possible. Nothing is special anymore to you, am i right?

on or off

Do you remember when we first met?

I know it was winter, February 6th, in a dark night. I don't exactly remember it myself, but so you have told me. So it was a very bright room with people in white rushing somewhere, and I probably was crying. And all red. I doubt I knew who you are at that moment, but I' m sure I realised that the warmth I had lost was found in your arms, in your embrace. And for all it's woths I know that the first true smile I ever saw was yours.